Personal Confession: I get jealous am HUMAN

Last week I was having a chat with cousin about life in general and I decided to confess my jealousy to her, I told her ‘I am very jealous of your life, you may not be rich but you have something that I can only dream and pray the Lord has it in my future’ and she asked me what that was and I simply answered ‘A loving husband and kids‘. I do not know why but nearing 30 has kind of put me on a new found fear that I never gave time or day for. I have mentioned many a time here on this blog how I had this plan “at 23 I would have finished my studies and I would be married and expecting my first child” I figured if my mother could do this, why not me? After all I am her daughter so it should follow suit. I know it sounds crazy but that was how I had figured in my life. Obviously my cousin was surprised but very encouraging telling how everything will happen when I least expect it. I know this is not yet my time to have all of these things and God knows I am fighting so many demons to hold to this belief that my time is to come.

Do not get me wrong, I love my life. I love the luxury that I am currently enjoying, I love that I can travel without giving it a second thought and can do things if and when I feel like it but that does not stop me wishing for something that I seem to only be seeing in my dreams. I am at a point where I hate having such lovely dreams only to wake up to my alone apartment and no little feet running around and no one bugging me shouting ‘mummy, mummy’.

It is so much easy for people not in your situation to say, all in its own time and even though I know that that’s the truth I am still plagued with these thoughts when I least expect them. I am going as far as hating posts on facebook from friends saying they are getting married, they are having a baby etc. I have people telling me they wish they had my life and sometimes I laugh, I know I am blessed but why is it that in this life you feel the grass is greener on the other side on brown on yours? I know I should take it one day at a time and I am honestly trying to do just that but at times even that can be tiring.

On Sunday at church one of our Evangelists said ‘sometimes God stands in front of us stopping us from taking certain routes because he knows this is a bad road for us, we as human don’t always see it as a blessing we start to complain God why do you hate me, why won’t you let me have this and that‘ at that point in time I thought the sermon was meant for me and now though I am still struggling at least I have clarity as to why.

  • I love how honest you are. I think we all get jealous of something or other. I am 25 since Feb and have kind of been feeling the same as you are. My sister is married and has plans for a baby in the future, has her own house etc and I live at home, single with my dog… I do let my green eyed monster get the best of me sometimes when I notice she is not much older then me and has all this.. when will be my time? I have matured alot this year and I think this is why I am thinking about the same things as yourself more, But I also believe in everything happens for a reason and your time will come. So I am just taking my life one day at a time, I am not angry or bitter maybe I am just not ready for all that yet. Great blog post. I truly enjoyed reading.

  • What will be will be and everything happens for a reason. They’re 2 things i stand by. Doesn’t meant to say we have to like it at the time, but in the future it will all make sense, with hindsight. Jealousy is totally normal 🙂 x

  • Oh God, jealousy is such a human reaction! Though, not always the most flattering it! We all envy what other people have, just remember it might not be all roses on the inside xx

  • I get major green eyed monster. I think it’s only natural to look over and think the grass is greener for someone else. Alot of people aren’t honest with the poop bits of their life.

  • I think jealousy is part of human nature., but it’s so hard not to see what others have and make, then it’s hard to stomach.

  • I love how honest this post is. I have to admit, I can be jealous of other people’s lives too. But I think it’s important to not allow that jealousy to turn into hate or anger. xx

  • I admire you for being honest, I think a lot of people feel this way. But its amazing how quickly things can suddenly happen. when I turned 30 I didn’t have any of those things. i`m 34 next week and I now have a fiance and 2 children with a third on the way! Life can move very very quickly all of a sudden! x

    • Thanks Hayley, there is hope for me yet lol. Thanks.

  • I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason and that your time will come. It may not be now but you’ll be just as lucky as your cousin. I think everyone gets jealous of one another from time to time, it’s nice to admire other peoples lives but don’t forget to put your life at the forefront and make things happen for you! Xx

    • Thank you Lisa, I definitely won’t neglect myself because I am sometimes blinded by what others have

  • I think it’s human nature to feel jealous of others sometimes. Whether we like to admit it or not. Although I appreciate that doesn’t make it any easier to accept. Like others have said, I truly believe things happen when the time is right and I’m sure you will have everything you dream of very soon.

    • Thank you Kate, all in good time.

  • I love the honesty of your post. I think we all look at other people and are envious of aspects of their lives. I’m mum of three children and I read this and am jealous of you being able to go travelling and the freedom that you have.

  • Fi Ní Neachtáin

    I love your honesty. Like you I find myself getting jealous and hating Facebook posts from people who are getting things which I wish for too. It’s a horrible feeling and why I no longer really use FB for personal use. I firmly believe what is meant for us won’t pass us by and dear, one day, hopefully soon you’ll have a loving husband and an abundance of babies all as beautiful and lovely as their mama 🙂 x

    • Thank you Fiona, glad to hear I am not the only one.

  • I read this and it made me reflect on my life and not always appreciating what I have. I always have a grass is greener on the other side and get very negative with a glass half full. This reminds me to just be and enjoy my life. Thank you for your heartfelt post. Have a lovely week xxxx Leah

    • Thank you so much Leah, I appreciate that

  • Your cousin while taken aback must have really admired your honesty. I am a great believer in what is meant for you won’t pass you by, I am sure in time you will have your longed for family xxx

    • she was surprised indeed and thank you for those kind words