Relationship Advice – Part 3: The Cheating cul-de-sac

Welcome to my relationship advice series, today I thought I cover cheating yes you heard right cheating. Over the weekend I was reading the weekly Best magazine when I came across several posts on cheating and the cheating mostly done by men. The one that caught my attention was where 4 women friends who lived in same cul-de-sac all experienced being cheated on by their spouses. And 3 out of 4 of these women were left and divorced by their spouses, this was just too surreal for me. I felt so sorry for these women and I just thought right we need to discuss this issue which is no stranger to us all.

This was a magazine caption on these ladies not me, please do not misquote me.

Personal view & Experience:
I used to believe and mostly still do believe that when a partner cheats it’s because something has changed in a relationship. I always hear men are visual creatures but so are women but you don’t see us jumping and pouncing upon every cute man that passes our way. I will confess that I came to a point where I wanted to cheat but obviously good sense got in before I could take cheating on its offer. I went through a patch where I felt I was not wanted in my relationship, I felt like I wasn’t sexy enough and granted I have changed over the years a I have put a stone on since we started dating 6 years ago. This emotions were so strong that when a guy who was not my man who was not bad looking and who was giving me the attention I thought I didn’t have I was more than flattered I was given another boost in confidence so much that I was tempted to pursue this and see where it could go but like I said good sense won. So you see though you can be vulnerable this can be overcome by pure determination and belief in yourself and what you got. 

Relationship experts:

“Men are visual creatures, if you let yourself go or stop doing something in a relationship you used to do in the beginning you risk your man cheating on you because you sold him a false dream”

“I cheated on my partner because i was not given the same attention I gave to my partner, I was more alone in a relationship than a single person”

“Let’s not just blame the cheater, think about why the cheater cheated on you! What changed?”

These are some of the relationship expert opinions have heard over the years from my own personal experience and from seeing my friends who have had partners cheat on them I believe sometimes it’s 50/50. I believe in this day and age if you sell a certain dream to your prospective partner and then couple years down the road it disappears you risk partners cheating, don’t get me wrong I am not saying cheating is acceptable because it’s not but you have to remember it takes 2 to tangle. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what didn’t we do for the relationship? If it turns out the cheater was just a douche bag then you good, move on and have a drink on me because people! You deserve better. But if this is a two way street then you need to sit down and analyse this. Your family and friends will tell you his/she not worth it and they maybe right but ultimately the decision is yours plus remember when have said their peace and gone to sleep, you’re alone with your thoughts and you cry alone or hurt alone. I believe in all situations do what’s right for you and not the world. Always wanting to follow the world at what should be what will not bring you happiness, you following you will bring you happiness. Do not be a people pleaser in these situations be the selfish person you can be to be happy.
What do you my lovely’s think? Should you forgive a cheater or should you just kick them to the kerb?
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  • It is touch indeed

  • I agree and thanks x

  • So true, it's easier to make decision from the outside of the marriage but when you in its different.

  • It's a very tough subject. I tend to hold grudges so I wouldn't forgive this.

  • How interesting is this. Marriages are definitely complicated and I believe it depends on the individuals involved.

  • That is a tough question and I think it depends on the situation. We never know what is going on in a marriage.

  • Thanks Rebecca

  • Thanks for your honesty I appreciate that it is totally personal

  • It's is a sensitive subject and glad you and your hubby know what's what.

  • Love that 'almost positive' but this comes under fire when you find yourself in it and I hope you don't.

  • I think there is a right way, the one that makes you happy or the injured party happy

  • Forgiven is a wonderful thing and yes depends on situation and the willing ness of both parties to make it work

  • Glad to hear you've never had this misfortune.

  • Jesus is the way the truth and the light, a man who respects and follows this is a keeper. It's not easy but there are some good men out there.

  • Fiona I know exactly what you mean I think for me the thinking about it part would be what would break the relationship. We can forgive and move on but we human we will always remember and that's the sad truth.

  • Thanks for sharing and so happy for you that you got out and now happy. It's not easy and to find out like that especially when kids are involved must have been a big blow. God bless x

  • I think you never know what you would do until you in that situation. I hope you never are and stay blessed as is

  • Thanks for sharing your experience and at least you tried to seek help and found nothing was gonna change. Happy that you are more happy now and yes some people don't want to work on their marriages. It takes a lot to have a wonderful and successful marriage

  • It is true not to sell someone something you are not in a relationship. This is good advice. Thanks for sharing.

  • I'm just not sure there's one set answer for this. It is totally personal. It isn't something I'd probably give a second chance for though.

  • This is a terribly sensitive subject and it is different for everyone. Forgiveness is wonderful, however, my husband knows that if he wandered, it would end our marriage immediately!

  • I can't think of anything much more horrible you could do in a relationship than cheat. It's never happened to me that I know of, but I'm almost positive I couldn't forgive it.

  • Such a hard situation. There is never a right way to handle it.

  • Its a hard decision. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. But it depends on the situation

  • I'm happy that I never had to deal with this. I could only imagine how hard it would be to deal with!

  • That's a tough situation to be in. The best advise I can give for the single ladies is to look for a man who's in love with Jesus more than you! For the married ones, always pray with and together with your husband and make him your priority next to God. God should be the center of your relationship.

  • It's tough as every situation is so different. Personally I would never cheat on my partner, even though it happened to me. We got over it and I forgave him but sometimes I still think about it and it hurts. You need a clean slate and not hold anything against someone if you do take them back, otherwise it won't work.

  • I got married when I was 18 to a man that was a couple years older then me and he just got out of the Army. (We were dated 7 months before marriage) but the whole time he was cheating on me and I had no idea. A few years into our marriage and 2 kids later I found out. Talk about a blow. We spent years going through therapy, till it became abusive and I pulled out. Today I celebrate my 8th wedding anniversary to my second husband that is very dedicated to me, and adopted my 2 sons. (This time around I actually prayed in advance for the right man before getting hitched, it makes a big difference!) 😀

  • Thankfully I've never experiences cheating but I have a friend who was being cheated on and she had no idea. I also heard a story were this woman found out that her boyfriend of 2 years actually had a wife and she was the "affair." I don't think I could forgive something like that.

  • this is a tough subject. My ex husband had an affair. We went to counseling and he said he would not stop sleeping with her. "The sex was too good". We divorced and I am now remarried. It has been seven years. I see that we had a communication breakdown and many things went awry in our marriage. marriage is hard. some people just don't want to work at it.